• Julee Wilson

Thousand Reasons Thursdays

I mentioned earlier this month, here , that I'm working on a fairly large project - a novel. Seasons are changing around here for me, and my time is being freed up to really move forward on this project. I am finally gaining some momentum with it and I'm very excited to share bits and pieces with you!

Here's another little morsel that you may have seen floating around on social media awhile back:

I woke up before the alarm clock, much to my annoyance. I had to go to the bathroom – AGAIN! As I walked past the closets of our master bedroom, a small trickle made its way slowly down my leg. I thought, Are you kidding me? I know women lose bladder control during pregnancy, but this is ridiculous! I’m only halfway in!

This was our first pregnancy and I had no idea what to expect (despite reading ravenously through the book that told you what to expect!). I’m adopted, so I had no idea what was “normal” in my family and not. I proceeded to use the restroom and pushed crazy thoughts to the back of my mind. I had a busy day today! I had to get to work and drop my friend off at the airport beforehand. Fortunately, my job was at the airport!

I nudged my husband gently to get up for work and then shuffled in my slippers to the guest room door. Knocking softly first, I opened the door and whispered, “Andrea, time to get up. It’s 6:30.” A muffled voice came from underneath the covers, “Already? Ugh, I don’t want to.”

I chuckled and shut the door and made my way to the kitchen to start the much-needed coffee. It was a beautiful, sunny, brisk day in San Francisco, and the view of the downtown skyline from our condo window was breath-taking. Casey was behind me when I turned around and I jumped, but he put his arms around me in a warm hug and said, “How’s our little peanut this morning?”

“He or she is fine, although I don’t feel that great today. I kinda want to call in sick, but I have to take Andrea to the airport anyway……”

“Do what you think is best. If I was going that way, I’d take her, but I’ve got to get going to see a customer.”

“That’s fine. I’ll just go in, and if I still don’t feel good I’ll just leave early.”

I was so grateful for the flexibility of my job. Having been a Flight Attendant for 5 years, I had enough seniority not only to pick certain routes I wanted, but also had the benefits of choosing to stop flying to work in the Flight Service office at the airport during my pregnancy.

As I passed the guest room door, I again knocked softly and reminded Anna we needed to get going. As I got undressed and stepped into the shower, I again felt that same trickling and sensation to urinate and got out quickly to use the toilet. Thoughts started circling in my head, but again, I pushed them away thinking, No! I have responsibilities! Commitments!

I finished getting dressed, kissed Casey goodbye, helped Andrea get her things into the car, and away we went to the airport. The traffic wasn’t too bad, and I pulled up to the drop off area to help Andrea get her bags out. I immediately had the sensation to use the restroom, and I thought, No! Not here! I have to hold it! I still had to go park in the employee parking lot, take the shuttle back to the terminal, get through security, and get down to the offices! I quickly said goodbye, and accomplished all of the aforementioned things with a pitstop in the terminal bathroom - which resulted in my being several minutes late for work. Fortunately, it was just Paige and I in the office today, and it was a quiet day.

Over the course of the next couple of hours, I continued having the sensation of going to the bathroom with pressure in my abdomen. I began to worry that I had a bladder infection. How does a bladder infection affect the baby?! The last time I had a really bad bladder infection, I didn’t take care of it in time, and I ended up with a kidney infection, and almost died!!! Then I stopped, as a small pool of liquid soaked my underwear. I politely and calmly excused myself and ran to the bathroom. I was so scared. My underwear and skirt were wet (good thing I was wearing black!), but it was not blood. I was relieved but still confused.

I quickly went back into the small office, and explained to Patsy (as embarrassing as it was!) what was happening, and she suggested I call my doctor and see him immediately. I picked up the phone with shaking hands and tried to explain to the nurse what was happening. She said sharply, “OK, but your doctor is off today and Dr. Roberts can’t see you until 3.” Being assertive was never my strong suit, especially with those whom I saw as in authority over me. So, I meekly said thank you and hung up. I looked at Paige, near tears, and told her what they said. She walked over to me, put her arm around me, and said, “You better get out of here and go home and lay down until then. Can you call your husband to take you later?” I wasn’t sure since he worked about an hour away, but I just nodded my head, grateful to get out of there.

I felt my stomach do a somersault as I turned the lock to my front door. A soft, wet nose was there to greet my hand as I opened the door. Our Chocolate Lab, Mocha, almost knocked me over in her excitement to see me. The stairs seemed a mile high as I made my way up into our condo, thoughts of grief and worry weighing on my mind. I just need to lie down, I thought. I just need to take a nap until 2, and then I can go to the doctor and all of this will be fine. It’s just nothing – a bladder infection. He’ll give me some antibiotics and – wait, can I TAKE antibiotics while I’m pregnant?! I pushed these thoughts away and headed towards the bedroom.

Mocha followed along the hallway, nudging my hand, wanting attention. I used the bathroom again, and fell onto the bed. Emotions and worry overtook me and as much as I tried to suppress it, tears began streaming down my face. A soft whining came from the side of the bed. Mocha paced back and forth around the bed, aware that something wasn’t right. I felt so alone, so confused. I prayed, Lord, why is this happening? Am I over-reacting? I’m so scared – please help our baby!!

Somewhere in my prayer for help and Mocha’s jumping up on the bed to snuggle with me, I fell into a deep, but disturbing sleep. Strange dreams from deep in my subconscious filled my mind until I started awake at exactly 2pm. I rolled over just as a new wave of warmth was felt between my legs. Oh no…….I decided to clean myself up before the doctor and took a quick shower and changed my clothes. I then forced myself to choke down some toast. No amount of jelly or butter I put on that thing would have kept it from being as dry as bark in my throat.

As I made my way onto the freeway, I called Casey, trembling. He was at work and I didn’t want to stress him out. “Hi, honey, I’m headed to the doctor now. Do you think you could meet me there?”

“No, I’m still in Santa Rosa. Are you sure you’re OK?”

“Yeah,” I lied. “I’m sure it’s just a bladder infection, but better to be safe than sorry.”

“Ok, let me know how it goes. I’ll see you soon.”

“Ok, hon, love you.”

I next made a call to my mother. “Mom, I need to go to the doctor. I think I have a bladder infection. Can you meet me there? Just in case it’s something else?” A flurry of questions flooded over the phone in her panic. I asked calmly again, “I’m almost there, can you meet me?”

“Yes, of course.”

The “parking spot gods” were on my side as I pulled up across the street from the medical center which was right next to the hospital where our first baby would be born. As I walked up the steps of the building, I felt a trickle happening, and immediately made my way into the lobby bathroom. I can’t do this! What is happening?! I managed to get up to the 5th floor and check myself in before the next trickle. Time seemed to slow to an laborious crawl as I waited to be called in.

Finally, it was my turn. What the doctor expected, and I hoped to be a urine test for a bladder infection, turned into a surprised (panicked?) expression on his face and a brief conference with the nurse. He came back and said, “Mrs. Wilson, we need to get you over to the ER immediately!”

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